Home Sweet Home (will add more later. zzzz)

Super Productive. In India.

Today was pretty awesome.  I was super productive.  In India!   The French girls showed me the way to the bus stop and pointed out places to buy produce and other groceries.  Then they explained how to know which bus to get on, how much it costs and how to take it back home by myself at the end of the day.  I was full of trepidation about it because so much was happening at once.  We were crammed on this bus and two girls in adorable French accents are trying to explain things to me at the same time, I was trying to memorize landmarks, and just generally freaking out a little at my terrible sense of direction.  They sweetly walked me to my building before going to theirs, and they pointed out that the Gandhian Thought & Development Studies school is way fancier than their International Relations school.  Being a social worker, I've never gotten the good building for classes!  There's a really nice courtyard in the middle of the building with lots of greenery and pathways.  We said goodbye and I poked my head into the department.  I spent some time meeting the director who seems pretty great (he's the one who has been responding to my frantic emails all these months!).  I found out that classes are from about 10-1 with a lunch break from 1-2 and sometimes, the lecturers will require some afternoon sessions from 2-3, but sometimes not.  He said that, being a social worker, a lot of the material may be too elementary for me as many of the MA students are from non-social work backgrounds so there's a lot of intro info going on.  But he said I could add some classes from other departments if I'd like (International Relations, Philosophy, whatnot) or take up outside interests such as yoga, and spend time on my Rotary duties.  I don't have any flexibility in the courses I take between 10-3 but I like the low-pressure this allows, in general.

After our talk, an administrator was going to take me to exchange some currency so I could pay my tuition for the semester.  I followed him out into the courtyard, as if we were leaving, and a woman came by with a tray of chai.  Of course we each took a teacup and paused everything to drink it.  And then we were off.  We got in an auto rickshaw and went to a place down an alley.  Then upstairs in a building.  And a man took a long time to do something, or wait for something.  Everything feels like waiting here.  But everyone else always appears to be perfectly at ease with the flow.  I guess that makes sense for a multi-tasking American when challenged with a more laid-back relational way of doing things.  We got back to the university and I paid my tuition for the semester.  I then went to a different office to officially sign up for my hostel and paid for that.  I also went to the library to get a borrower application, then the bank to get an account application.  Then I hopped on the bus to head home earlier than I had thought.  So that was a good feeling.  I had earlier been hesitant about the idea of taking the bus home because I was still a bit confused but I must have been feeling pretty good after getting so much done that I was ready to take it on.  It was fine, of course.  I recognized my stop and everything.  Then as I walked from the stop home, I grabbed some fresh vegetables, eggs and other groceries.  I came home and cooked up some delicious vegetables and had a quiet afternoon here by myself.  I then went to work on the many documents I had to complete.  And I'm set for Monday.  Classes begin.  Woo hoo!

Tomorrow I have to go to the police station to register as a foreigner which I hear takes hours and hours (of waiting).  So I'm to bring a book and some music.  Then the girls are going shopping so I'm going to join them.  I need some Indian clothes.  I look a little funny to the Indians, I'm sure.  And my clothes are a bit too hot anyway.  I need bedding and towels also.  Pretty exciting.

Next blog post is a photo tour of my hostel.  You know it!

Day 1 of "Whose Life is This?"

Actually, no.  I've been saying that for many months now.  But I guess it's Day 1 of the Indian chapter of "Whose Life is This?"  Something like that.  

Well a lot has happened since my last post.  It's fun for me to read it and realize that that was just a few weeks ago.  

The short of it is that... I made a mad dash to Chicago one rainy day with my lovely friend Lisa and got my visa by the end of the day, no issue!  And, you know, I don't have a concept of the days really, but very soon after that I sold my car within 24 hours of listing it on Craigslist and only about two days later I hopped in a car with my love and we took a road trip to Portland, Oregon where he begins school in a week or so now.  We had hoped that my plans would work out so that I could join him for the fun and challenging adventure of packing, moving, finding a place to stay, etc.  But you just never know how those stars want to line up, especially when India is involved.  But they did!  Incredibly.  We made some fun stops to the Badlands, crashing with Jay's friend in Montana, hiking around waterfalls, couchsurfing, eating delicious food and dispensing cheese along the way.  And the weather was incredible and sunny the whole way.  Oh, and on the road, I got an email from the director of my department at MGU stating that classes would be delayed another week.  Which was extra great news because that just meant more time with Jay.  We then spent a couple weeks together in Portland, enjoying various sights, people, foods, and experiences while also meeting potential housemates and touring rental properties.  I think we made the most of it.  But somehow this crazy India thing I've been working on and talking about for over a year ended up coming to fruition, thus, our sad goodbye.  I'll skip those downer details; the low of that is pretty self-explanatory.  So I actually got on a plane.  And then another plane.  And then another plane.  And then stayed in a hotel.  And then got on another plane.  And then I was in Kerala.  India.  

A man met me at the airport nearby (the director of my program sent "one of his men" to "receive me") and helped me get onto a cab.  It was a two-hour drive to the city where my university is.  And not that the distance was that great, but the roads wind, the traffic is slowed by a variety of vehicles driving erratically and whatnot.  I opted for a non-AC car, thinking it would be nicer to have the windows down, getting some wind in my face and experiencing the variety of smells that India produces.  It’s usually in the high 80s here (for us fehrenheit folks) but it’s monsoon season so it’s muggy.  I was a little sticky but overall comfortable.  You would think I’m a first timer, as I eagerly invited the “variety of smells” of India to overcome me.  But I kind of like that combination of repulsive and divine fragrance.  It’s unmistakeable.  It hit me in New Delhi.  Right away.  And it was a familiar friend.  But I’ve found that Kerala smells different.  And for most of the car ride, I pretty much inhaled lingering aromas of cow poo and exhaust only.  I’m still identifying Kerala’s smell.  It’s a little more neutral, I think.  Warm and less polarized.  

So I was then delivered to the university where I briefly met the director of my department (Gandhian Thought & Development Studies) who asked the driver to take me to a different building to meet with an administrator about getting set up in the foreign students’ hostel (female verson).  The driver dropped me off and I spent a big ol’ hunk of time with the administrator.  I delved right into questions and logistics while he often paused, said nothing, then eventually asked a question like, “What is famous in your state that I might know?” or “Why do you want to come to India to study this?”  He was very curious but his demeanor was confusing at times.  But I bet my demeanor was confusing.  Who is so direct and non-personal?  Me, while he just wants to chill and discover what makes this American tick.  So I think I realized it quickly enough to take it a little easier.  And then he took me in his car to show me the hostel but on the way we stopped for a bite to eat.  Well, okay!  He ordered beet-root dosas.  And we got hot glasses of pink water.  I don’t know what that means.  But it tasted normal.  It probably wasn’t the best decision, but it was hot enough that it didn’t negatively affect me.  The dosas were a fantastic welcome to Kerala.  He then took me to his church which offered a beautiful view of the sun setting over the city.  It was a Catholic church (most names here are biblical and I definitely see more churches and rosaries than temples and Ganesh figurines).  There was a service being held so we went in.  Women on the left side, men on the right, shoes off.  The priest was saying things in Malayalam while the parishoners repeated the phrases back.  It soon ended and some stayed to pray quietly while others exited.  We were then off to the hostel.  

When we arrived, we were greeted by Marsha from Uganda.  She’s 26, bold, and a happy, energetic soul.  She was incredibly welcoming and showed me around, explaining who else lives here, etc.  I think my jet lag was hitting because I don’t remember a lot after that.  Was that yesterday?  Yikes.  I think it was.  Wow.  At some point two other girls arrived home from class.  Chloe and Celine (from France) are 19/20ish.  Celine is my roommate.  They’re incredibly sweet and funny.  They’re always laughing together.  I then took a shower and learned that cold showers are my destiny for a very long time.  But after the first 10 seconds it felt good.  Chloe made dinner and it was vegetarian, specially for me.  They scrounged up a bed sheet for me and made plans to take me to campus in the morning on the bus.  They’ve taken very good care of me.  Marsha has been here for a year already and is in her 2nd year of her program.  Chloe and Celine got here two months ago, thinking classes would begin in August, but they haven’t yet.  So they’ve been sitting in on classes with 2nd year students for something engaging to do.  

I went to sleep around 9pm but woke up at midnight or so and was wide awake and excited at the opportunity to chat online with Jay.  That was very, very nice.  And I eventually made it back to sleep around 3.  So that was day 1.  Thus far I think that I’m handling the jet lag much better than last time.  It’s strange how I don’t feel nervous about coming events.  Or unknowns.  I think that’s what India does to me and that’s what I love about being here.  

Something BIG!!

Only a few minutes after my last post did I find an email in my inbox with an attached admission letter to the MA in Development Studies program at Mahatma Gandhi University in Kottayam, Kerala, India.  HA!  Very soon, indeed! 

What is big about that is this:  When I first looked into applying at MGU, it was for their MA in Gandhian Studies program.  What a unique opportunity to study something so uniquely Indian in India, right?  But then, admissions were delayed and I was informed that the date of the release of the application was even unknown.  In the meantime, of course I got anxious and applied to other schools.  But when another school application crashed and burned and I became more worried than ever, along came an email update from the department head at MGU informing me that the application was out (and due 3 days later).  I got it in via email and mailed it out with rush delivery within half a day.  As I was completing it, however, it was months after my original inquiry to their program and I had had some time to ponder whether it was a good idea for me to study Gandhian anything at a Masters level.  Probably not.  The other arm of the department is Development Studies (which I originally listed on my scholarship application) and that seemed much better-suited to me as a social worker with a lot of community and systems experience in the field.  Also, in the meantime, I had seen on their website that they were one of the first five Indian institutions to be awarded a grant from the new Obama-Singh Initiative.  And for some reason, I was on the website tonight (before knowing of my admission) and clicked on the link again to refresh my memory and what did I notice?  MGU was chosen to research "An Interdisciplinary and Community Oriented Approach toward Sustainable Development."  That oughtta be happening in the very department I will be studying in, I do believe!  So, basically, not only do I get to live in India, work on service projects, learn incredible information from an incredible institution, but I get to meet Barack Obama when he comes to survey the project!!  Okay, that last part is completely fictional.  Wink! 

Stay tuned.

Something Big

This means very little right now.  But very soon, I hope that it means something big. 

Obama-Singh 21st Century Knowledge Initiative Announces First Round of Awards

Ambassador

Tonight, my gut is wrenched and my mind races as I work to diminish my anger by attempting to make sense of a terrible thing. Earlier, I watched live on the news as domestic terrorism was enacted in my home state. A gunman killed 6, as well as himself, and injured 3 at a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. Details of the gunman, the possible motives, nor the victims are yet being released. The FBI is involved. President Obama has issued a statement.

I have my assumptions about the gunman and his motives, and I’m trying to reserve them until we learn more. But it’s a challenge to keep my thoughts at bay.

So as I wait for more information, I’m left to think about me. And why it is that I want to dissect the gunman, and assume his agenda, and elaborate on what that says about our society, and point fingers at specific aspects & sectors of it that I think may have contributed to causing such illness in a person and pain to so many others. Why do I want to do all this? Because I want a solution. Or a recipe for a solution. I want to understand every single thing that ever happened to this man, every environmental factor, every thing that ever pushed him one centimeter closer to doing something like this. And I bet that in that list of things, I contributed in some way. I want to understand how I contributed so I can change that piece in me.  I don’t want to simply blame the media for violence, or politicians for not funding mental health care adequately, or citizens for not voting intelligent politicians into office. Yes, it's tempting to stop there. But I want to look at all of these factors, and then examine my relationship with each of them. What am I doing to further the power of the media? What can I do to encourage better mental health care availability? What is my approach when I am dissatisfied with the politics of my community and country? In the past, I’ve felt angry about all of these issues, and many more. The types of action that my anger and frustration led to were things like public protesting, sharing taglines, photos and videos on the Internet, and debating with others. I put my anger out there in such forms. But I later realized that this isn’t the way to change (realization likely sparked by much pondering of politics in the past year-and-a-half of living and voting in the political sphere of Wisconsin).

As I’m trying to figure out what is indeed the way to create change, I’ve realized something. I recently once stopped to reflect on what and who inspires me to change. Is it protestors holding clever signs? Is it friends posting angry statements on their facebook walls? Is it those I’ve engaged in debates with? It turns out that none of this inspires me to change. It may entertain me, or fuel my passion and anger, or create a sense of solidarity with other like-mindeds, but it does little to inspire a change in my perspective or actions. It only has burrowed me deeper into my stagnant rut, really. And I realized that what does most-dramatically inspire me to change and open up to new perspectives, are people who first enact peace within themselves - the individuals who humbly live their peace and values, and reflect love and understanding onto others with grace. This summarizes the commonality I find in the heroic line-up of amazing individuals who’ve most inspired me in life. And this line-up is not composed of celebrities or historic figures. It’s made up of ordinary individuals who have touched my heart in this life. And this leads me to believe that we can all be this kind of ordinary, yet ispiring, individual for someone else. And if our society is composed of more people striving for peace, love and congruence within, we can impact people like today’s suspect more profoundly than we can by outwardly holding signs, arguing, or blaming politicians. And that is our impact. As a community, we all feel the pain of today’s tragedy. And as a community, we are called to work within ourselves toward eliminating the factors that aided this man in feeling like this is something he had to do.

Peace and religious harmony come about through taking action, not necessarily through making prayers and good wishes.  In order to carry action out, enthusiasm is very important, and enthusiasm comes from being clear about our goal and the possibility of our fulfilling it.  Here, we need educate young people about our ultimate goal, peace in the world, and how to fulfill it by cultivating inner peace within themselves. - Dalai Lama

I wondered today if the news of this incident would be spreading widely throughout India, as I plan to soon make it my home for a year, thanks to my “Ambassadorial” scholarship. As an ambassador of peace and goodwill, as my scholarship duties state (and personal beliefs concur), I did not anticipate discussing such a tragic and violent act, especially originating from my home state. It is customary for Ambassadorial Scholars to give presentations to clubs and groups while abroad and I'll be sharing cultural information focused on my state. I didn’t expect anyone in the audience to have ever heard of Wisconsin before. But after visiting the Times of India website today and seeing that this is the top story, I have a feeling that people will have heard of Wisconsin by the time I get there. And while I feel weary at the thought of representing Wisconsin in relation to today’s tragedy, I also can see how it is a greater opportunity, rather, to help people understand that what happened today does not represent Wisconsin. Today I was most touched when my family members and neighbors first and foremost expressed empathy as a response to today’s tragedy. My family members and neighbors are not Sikhs, and may have never heard of Sikhism before. But instead of expressing thoughts and feelings about our differences, they instead expressed sorrow, love and understanding for those affected. Everyone I spoke with about it today went immediately to a place of empathy. It was a resounding sense of “we.” It was a beautiful surprise. And that is what I get to represent to those I meet along my way.

The Divine in Me Bows to the Divine in You, Madison

I'm just wrapping up my last day in Madison.  It was beautiful.  Tomorrow marks the 1st of August, 2012 and a new moon reveals herself. 

It's strange.  My goodbyes seem unreal.  Unemployment seems unreal.  Newness seems unreal.  Nothing is what it was a short time ago.  It all feels temporary, or like some distant thing that someone told me about.  Except one comforting thing:  I still feel like me. 

I cannot make sense of any of it.  I feel like, at this point, I should have a greater understanding about life.  A greater understanding about what to look for, what to avoid, how life works, whether I'm big or small, selfish or selfless - that sort of thing.  And I'm often frustrated when I realize that I don't have those answers. Nothing to write down on paper.  Or, I don't think I do.  But at the same time, when I have the clarity to see all this, I notice that I'm living differently every day, indicative of some learning about something.  I'm taking risks.  I'm vulnerable.  I'm softer.  I'm open.  I'm treasuring my time with loved ones.  I'm feeling blessed.  I'm lighter.  I'm cherishing sunsets and breezes and seeing people laugh & smile.  I'm accepting support.  I'm breaking down silly parts of me.  I'm taking care of my well-being.  I'm pausing before reacting.  I'm forgiving myself.  I'm homeless and jobless with no solid plan, but maintaining optimism (most of the time) and not having a panic attack.  Seriously, that's huge!

I just heard an owl outside (insert random moment of feeling blessed).  Go ahead.  Roll your eyes.  ;)

I spent my final Madison evening at the Union.  It was open-mic night.  As I scanned the crowd for my Union date, who but a dear friend unknowingly walked toward me.  When I think of the Union, I think of this friend so it was a pretty uncanny and fun coincidence that she was there on a Tuesday evening.  She was on her way out, so we shared a tearful moment as I told her that it was my last night in Madison. 

Well, there was a mix-up with my Union plans but when my friend didn't make it, somehow some very special people appeared before me.  Some lovely-coworkers-slash-dear-friends joined me at the Terrace instead.  These poor people have said about 15 damn goodbyes to me already.  I feel so terrible but instead of rolling their eyes at my ever-changing story, they are so loving and supportive.  It was really nice.  Tonight's sunset was one of the most beautiful I've seen in a long time and a gift to be viewing over the glassy surface of Lake Mendota, broken up by peaceful-looking sailboats, with a surprising and delightful violin/beatbox combination soothing my ears in the background.  A truly Madison send-off.  I love you, Madison.  I know there will never be another place quite like you in my heart, but it's time for us to part.