Something BIG!!

Only a few minutes after my last post did I find an email in my inbox with an attached admission letter to the MA in Development Studies program at Mahatma Gandhi University in Kottayam, Kerala, India.  HA!  Very soon, indeed! 

What is big about that is this:  When I first looked into applying at MGU, it was for their MA in Gandhian Studies program.  What a unique opportunity to study something so uniquely Indian in India, right?  But then, admissions were delayed and I was informed that the date of the release of the application was even unknown.  In the meantime, of course I got anxious and applied to other schools.  But when another school application crashed and burned and I became more worried than ever, along came an email update from the department head at MGU informing me that the application was out (and due 3 days later).  I got it in via email and mailed it out with rush delivery within half a day.  As I was completing it, however, it was months after my original inquiry to their program and I had had some time to ponder whether it was a good idea for me to study Gandhian anything at a Masters level.  Probably not.  The other arm of the department is Development Studies (which I originally listed on my scholarship application) and that seemed much better-suited to me as a social worker with a lot of community and systems experience in the field.  Also, in the meantime, I had seen on their website that they were one of the first five Indian institutions to be awarded a grant from the new Obama-Singh Initiative.  And for some reason, I was on the website tonight (before knowing of my admission) and clicked on the link again to refresh my memory and what did I notice?  MGU was chosen to research "An Interdisciplinary and Community Oriented Approach toward Sustainable Development."  That oughtta be happening in the very department I will be studying in, I do believe!  So, basically, not only do I get to live in India, work on service projects, learn incredible information from an incredible institution, but I get to meet Barack Obama when he comes to survey the project!!  Okay, that last part is completely fictional.  Wink! 

Stay tuned.

Something Big

This means very little right now.  But very soon, I hope that it means something big. 

Obama-Singh 21st Century Knowledge Initiative Announces First Round of Awards

Ambassador

Tonight, my gut is wrenched and my mind races as I work to diminish my anger by attempting to make sense of a terrible thing. Earlier, I watched live on the news as domestic terrorism was enacted in my home state. A gunman killed 6, as well as himself, and injured 3 at a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. Details of the gunman, the possible motives, nor the victims are yet being released. The FBI is involved. President Obama has issued a statement.

I have my assumptions about the gunman and his motives, and I’m trying to reserve them until we learn more. But it’s a challenge to keep my thoughts at bay.

So as I wait for more information, I’m left to think about me. And why it is that I want to dissect the gunman, and assume his agenda, and elaborate on what that says about our society, and point fingers at specific aspects & sectors of it that I think may have contributed to causing such illness in a person and pain to so many others. Why do I want to do all this? Because I want a solution. Or a recipe for a solution. I want to understand every single thing that ever happened to this man, every environmental factor, every thing that ever pushed him one centimeter closer to doing something like this. And I bet that in that list of things, I contributed in some way. I want to understand how I contributed so I can change that piece in me.  I don’t want to simply blame the media for violence, or politicians for not funding mental health care adequately, or citizens for not voting intelligent politicians into office. Yes, it's tempting to stop there. But I want to look at all of these factors, and then examine my relationship with each of them. What am I doing to further the power of the media? What can I do to encourage better mental health care availability? What is my approach when I am dissatisfied with the politics of my community and country? In the past, I’ve felt angry about all of these issues, and many more. The types of action that my anger and frustration led to were things like public protesting, sharing taglines, photos and videos on the Internet, and debating with others. I put my anger out there in such forms. But I later realized that this isn’t the way to change (realization likely sparked by much pondering of politics in the past year-and-a-half of living and voting in the political sphere of Wisconsin).

As I’m trying to figure out what is indeed the way to create change, I’ve realized something. I recently once stopped to reflect on what and who inspires me to change. Is it protestors holding clever signs? Is it friends posting angry statements on their facebook walls? Is it those I’ve engaged in debates with? It turns out that none of this inspires me to change. It may entertain me, or fuel my passion and anger, or create a sense of solidarity with other like-mindeds, but it does little to inspire a change in my perspective or actions. It only has burrowed me deeper into my stagnant rut, really. And I realized that what does most-dramatically inspire me to change and open up to new perspectives, are people who first enact peace within themselves - the individuals who humbly live their peace and values, and reflect love and understanding onto others with grace. This summarizes the commonality I find in the heroic line-up of amazing individuals who’ve most inspired me in life. And this line-up is not composed of celebrities or historic figures. It’s made up of ordinary individuals who have touched my heart in this life. And this leads me to believe that we can all be this kind of ordinary, yet ispiring, individual for someone else. And if our society is composed of more people striving for peace, love and congruence within, we can impact people like today’s suspect more profoundly than we can by outwardly holding signs, arguing, or blaming politicians. And that is our impact. As a community, we all feel the pain of today’s tragedy. And as a community, we are called to work within ourselves toward eliminating the factors that aided this man in feeling like this is something he had to do.

Peace and religious harmony come about through taking action, not necessarily through making prayers and good wishes.  In order to carry action out, enthusiasm is very important, and enthusiasm comes from being clear about our goal and the possibility of our fulfilling it.  Here, we need educate young people about our ultimate goal, peace in the world, and how to fulfill it by cultivating inner peace within themselves. - Dalai Lama

I wondered today if the news of this incident would be spreading widely throughout India, as I plan to soon make it my home for a year, thanks to my “Ambassadorial” scholarship. As an ambassador of peace and goodwill, as my scholarship duties state (and personal beliefs concur), I did not anticipate discussing such a tragic and violent act, especially originating from my home state. It is customary for Ambassadorial Scholars to give presentations to clubs and groups while abroad and I'll be sharing cultural information focused on my state. I didn’t expect anyone in the audience to have ever heard of Wisconsin before. But after visiting the Times of India website today and seeing that this is the top story, I have a feeling that people will have heard of Wisconsin by the time I get there. And while I feel weary at the thought of representing Wisconsin in relation to today’s tragedy, I also can see how it is a greater opportunity, rather, to help people understand that what happened today does not represent Wisconsin. Today I was most touched when my family members and neighbors first and foremost expressed empathy as a response to today’s tragedy. My family members and neighbors are not Sikhs, and may have never heard of Sikhism before. But instead of expressing thoughts and feelings about our differences, they instead expressed sorrow, love and understanding for those affected. Everyone I spoke with about it today went immediately to a place of empathy. It was a resounding sense of “we.” It was a beautiful surprise. And that is what I get to represent to those I meet along my way.

The Divine in Me Bows to the Divine in You, Madison

I'm just wrapping up my last day in Madison.  It was beautiful.  Tomorrow marks the 1st of August, 2012 and a new moon reveals herself. 

It's strange.  My goodbyes seem unreal.  Unemployment seems unreal.  Newness seems unreal.  Nothing is what it was a short time ago.  It all feels temporary, or like some distant thing that someone told me about.  Except one comforting thing:  I still feel like me. 

I cannot make sense of any of it.  I feel like, at this point, I should have a greater understanding about life.  A greater understanding about what to look for, what to avoid, how life works, whether I'm big or small, selfish or selfless - that sort of thing.  And I'm often frustrated when I realize that I don't have those answers. Nothing to write down on paper.  Or, I don't think I do.  But at the same time, when I have the clarity to see all this, I notice that I'm living differently every day, indicative of some learning about something.  I'm taking risks.  I'm vulnerable.  I'm softer.  I'm open.  I'm treasuring my time with loved ones.  I'm feeling blessed.  I'm lighter.  I'm cherishing sunsets and breezes and seeing people laugh & smile.  I'm accepting support.  I'm breaking down silly parts of me.  I'm taking care of my well-being.  I'm pausing before reacting.  I'm forgiving myself.  I'm homeless and jobless with no solid plan, but maintaining optimism (most of the time) and not having a panic attack.  Seriously, that's huge!

I just heard an owl outside (insert random moment of feeling blessed).  Go ahead.  Roll your eyes.  ;)

I spent my final Madison evening at the Union.  It was open-mic night.  As I scanned the crowd for my Union date, who but a dear friend unknowingly walked toward me.  When I think of the Union, I think of this friend so it was a pretty uncanny and fun coincidence that she was there on a Tuesday evening.  She was on her way out, so we shared a tearful moment as I told her that it was my last night in Madison. 

Well, there was a mix-up with my Union plans but when my friend didn't make it, somehow some very special people appeared before me.  Some lovely-coworkers-slash-dear-friends joined me at the Terrace instead.  These poor people have said about 15 damn goodbyes to me already.  I feel so terrible but instead of rolling their eyes at my ever-changing story, they are so loving and supportive.  It was really nice.  Tonight's sunset was one of the most beautiful I've seen in a long time and a gift to be viewing over the glassy surface of Lake Mendota, broken up by peaceful-looking sailboats, with a surprising and delightful violin/beatbox combination soothing my ears in the background.  A truly Madison send-off.  I love you, Madison.  I know there will never be another place quite like you in my heart, but it's time for us to part.