From Challenge to Change

I haven’t written in awhile. I hit the 2-month mark.  At the preparatory Ambassadorial Scholar orientation seminar, I recall previous Rotary scholars warning us of the 2-month mark - where all the awe and intrigue fade to annoyance and frustration.  When I first arrived, I could sit in utter chaos, in a state of confusion for hours and kind of love it.  Now, the charm of such situations has warn off a bit.  In fact, last week, things hit a point where I questioned if I could do this.  Thankfully, my despair gripped me for only about two days before I came up with a plan to make some changes and that refueled me.  The major contributing factors to my worries were (and please don’t read these as complaints, just challenges and explanation of my experience)...

1. My classes have been held only about 50% of the time because instructors do not come.  The idea is that we are to spend all day in the department library and if a professor comes, we have class.  The library has a wealth of books but the routine was wearing on me.  I see the effect on other students, too.  Some juggle school and work and it pains me to see them sitting idly while they could be attending to other aspects of their lives.  Others take buses and trains for hours to reach campus...and then they wait.  There are days we have no classes at all.  I celebrated a day where all 4 classes were held for the first time only a week ago.  Attendance is low and I’ve even found myself blowing off an afternoon or a day here and there, as I figure the likelihood of no class.  The university is cracking down on student attendance but when professors are absent, it affects motivation of students.  
2. One the occasion that we have class, I have a hard time identifying the value to me for a couple of reasons.  Some content is relevant and interesting and some professors are passionate while much of the content I have surpassed and some of the professors don’t seem to have a passion for teaching.  Also, much of the content is taught in Malayalam.  The instruction at the post-graduate level is to be in English, but in reality, it’s often not.  The inability to understand and participate has been stifling.  
3. Due to various circumstances beyond my control, I haven’t yet gotten involved with Rotary here.  First, it’s problematic as I have duties to fulfill as condition of my scholarship and second, I was looking forward to getting involved in service projects.

All of this resulted in a feeling of lack of purpose and diminished hope as things only seemed to be worsening.  After my two days of “I want to go home” self-pity, I sprung into plans for action.  When I regained my energy, I recalled, “Oh yeah.  This is what I do.”  A short period of down & outness, then springing into ideas and action.  

So my idea was to approach my director and propose a course of independent study which would allow for more meaningful activity and cultural exchange.  I wrote up a letter and proposal and he approved.  He was very understanding.  Success!  So I can now spend more time reading, learning in the community, touring local NGOs, taking morning yoga classes, etc.  And before I left his office I had plans to attend 2 weeklong seminars; one this week on Zero-Budget Spiritual Farming (a grassroots, social movement), and a Gandhian philosophy camp over Christmas break.  Hooray!

Incidentally, things with Rotary also picked up.  My sponsor counselor apologized for his unavailability and assigned a new counselor who called me immediately and enthusiastically assured me that he would help me get involved upon my return next week.  

Things are shifting and looking up.  

Aside from these concerns, I want to assure everyone interested that I am incredibly grateful and enjoying my time here.  Each day is filled with beautiful moments and exchanges.  Every moment presents flashes of unexpected beauty and complexity.